Glowing in the Darkness

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Damn, I screw up a lot.  A lot of people who have chosen to leave my life because of those screw ups.  Some of them I deserved and some of them I wish I was given a little more grace on.  I currently fail my husband, my kids and my friends and family daily.  It sure isn’t for lack of trying to make the better decision most days.  Some days our selfish side just seems to show more than others.  With that being said, I love hard too!  I will love you for a lifetime if you accept me for who I am – and I’ll do the same for you.

Today is a hard day for lots of reasons.  Selfish reasons that I exhibited of my own….finding that balance in life is a struggle sometimes.  Knowing how to show love to others when you don’t feel like it.  Putting your feelings above others is selfish. Putting other people first is selfless.

If I go through another day in my life and never hear the words “selfish” and “selfless” again, it would be a good day!  Balancing the two is a huge challenge.  Maybe you have it all figured out!  Kudos if you do…I, however do not.  My mind starts screwing with me and the line between the two becomes very blurred and I start questioning everything I say or do even when I am “SURE” of what I think is the right thing.  Please tell me I am not alone.  I pray that at some point in my life, I will be confident in the interactions I have with others  When they are negative, I pray that I am able to discern my beliefs and not let someone else waver my thoughts, unless the Lord is trying to speak to me and heal me.  Second-guessing your beliefs and thoughts is detrimental to anyone.

Know this though….

Beneath the destroyed ruins of the woman you are, lays the heart of the woman you are meant to be.

Perhaps you’ve known it all along, maybe you even needed to break in order to discover this ripe truth, but regardless of the methods—the more you break, the more you became yourself. Only through breaking are you able to see all that is holding her back. Only through the chaos are you able to find your peace, and only through heartbreak are you able to discover the love that has always been within.

It is only through diving into your pain that you are able to surface into your healing. And so, let yourself sink into everything that had ever caused you pain, each moment and childhood wound, until there is nowhere to go but up into whatever lay waiting for you—you only need to be brave enough to try.

What makes you be able to make broken look beautiful is that you never try to hide your scars.

Don’t pretend to be anything other than who you are, and my God, there is nothing more beautiful than a woman who can glow even within the darkness of her own broken pieces.

Have grace and exhibit grace.

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