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Life struggles are there to help you have a heart and understanding for others who have struggled in the same way.
I can feel the positive growth in my current struggles, but damn…it’s painful. When you’ve been one way your whole life and you have a soul awakening and the things you have prayed about for years start changing…it’s scary…and bittersweet.
Joy is in my heart because my life’s prayers are finally being answered and so many questions about why are being answered…but along with it comes pain.
Pain because it’s change and it’s different. That’s scary as hell. Being someone who always thought she adapted to change well, I am humbled to see that I don’t.
I know this pain and joy will bring me to better things; I can feel it deep in my soul! I feel it in parts of me that in 40 years I never knew existed. What’s even more frightening is when you feel two opposite feelings that normally oppose each other, start to work hand in hand. That makes me question even the simplest things.
The challenge in this process is being patient and letting it all work out in God’s timing and not mine. It’s not in my hands to fix it today just so I feel better tomorrow. It’s in his hands to fix in his time and I have to stumble through the journey with a faith I’ve never felt in my life and take each thing that comes my way and understand that it is teaching me something. Sometimes blessings come through tears and sometimes they come through many sleepless night. There are blessings in disguise all around and the only duty I have is to see them.
It’s truly time for God to consume me more than life does.